


You Can't Always Get What You Want- Ziall OneShot

by ZiallLover01



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 22:15:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiallLover01/pseuds/ZiallLover01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn know you can't always get what you want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Always Get What You Want- Ziall OneShot

Loneliness was all Zayn’s ever felt. No one has ever told him that they loved him. No one ever paid attention to him. He felt invisible. Sometimes he wishes he really was just so it would give him an excuse as to why no one could notice him. He wishes he could disappear not that it would matter anyways because no one would notice. That’s just who zayn was. The invisible boy the one that wished he was loved and noticed. But people can’t always get what they want. That’s was zayn always thought. 

Zayn knew that he deserved everything he gets. He knew he deserves the abuse from his dad. He deserves the bullies from school. He deserves not to be loved. He deserves the scars on his wrists.  
He knew you can’t always get what you want.  
Zayn sighed as he walked into the school. He knew that today was going to be like any other day. The constant shoves and glares. He knew it was going to start as soon as he got to his locker, that’s how his days always start. He walked to his locker opening it slowly. He grabbed his books calmly ignoring the looks he could feel behind him. He knew it was coming he was just waiting. As he shut his locker door slowly that’s when he was pushed into the lockers dropping all of his books on the floor. He could hear the laughter and the whispers about how pathetic he is. Zayn won’t complain because he’s used to it. He actually agrees with them all. He believes every word they say. He jumped when someone got in front of him. He waited for a punch but it never came. 

“Are you okay?” A boy asked. Zayn opened his eyes to see a boy his age with brown hair which is mostly shaved off and big puppy brown eyes. He looked to innocent even for zayn. Zayn just nodded his head as an answer. He thought maybe he should give the kid a chance to get away from him before they start beating him up too. 

“I’m Liam Payne. I’m new here along with three other lads. They’re my best friends all of our parents are best friends so they decided that we move together. What’s your name?” Liam rambled. 

“I’m zayn but I should get going. I don’t think you want to be seen with me.” Zayn said starting to walk away. He shouldn’t have pushed him away but everyone who tried to be friends with zayn ended up hurt. Zayn began walking away before someone grabbed his wrist very tightly. Zayn drew in a breath from the pain from his scars. He turned around to see liam smiling at him. 

“You’re coming with me.” Liam said brightly. Zayn was sort of jealous of how happy he is and how he got to smile. Zayn tried getting out of liam’s grip. But liam was stronger because let’s face it zayn was a very weak person. Liam’s grip tightened as he dragged zayn along the hall. Liam didn’t notice or care that people were giving him dirty looks. But zayn cared zayn cared so much he would never want someone to go through this because of him.  
“Where are we going?” Zayn asked after he finally gave up thinking about a plan to get escape.  
“You are going to meet my friends.” Liam said shrugging.  
“Looks that’s nice of you but I don’t want to miss class.” Zayn said.  
“We still have twenty minutes. I think you’ll like them. They know how to make people smile.” Liam said excitedly.  
“Look I don’t want to be your charity case.” Zayn growled. He didn’t want people to feel bad for him. Zayn did that enough for himself.  
“You’re not.” Liam said sadly making zayn want to believe him but zayn doesn’t trust anyone. Why is this boy even talking to him in the first place? Why couldn’t he just leave him on the floor? Liam stopped and opened a door to the school auditorium.  
“Hey lads this is zayn and he’s joining us.” Liam said.  
“Joining you for what?” Zayn asked his face full of confusion and discomfort.  
“Being our friend.” Liam said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
“Look you’ve been really sweet, but I don’t need any friends I already have one and one is good enough for me. But thank you.” Zayn said rushing out the auditorium. He heard liam’s voice shouting for him to come back. Zayn ignored him knowing that liam would forget about him in a couple of minutes because zayn’s not very memorable to anyone. 

Zayn didn’t lie about having one friend. He did have one friend his name was Josh. They hang out after school because josh goes to a different. Zayn felt like a bad friend to him because josh thinks zayn is so happy and thinks he okay when he’s the complete opposite.  
Zayn wishes he was okay and everyone would love him. But zayn knew you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~  
The next day at school zayn was glad liam didn’t show up. He was glad liam realized what a mistake zayn actually was. Zayn sighed as he sat in his seat slowly. The bruises covering him are making it hard to do anything. The seat next to him was always empty until today.  
Zayn froze when someone sat in the seat next to him. No one ever dared to sit next to zayn unless they wanted life time humiliation. A voice suddenly interrupted zayn’s thoughts about how to make the stranger sit in a different seat.  
“Hi I’m Harry.” The mysterious stranger said. Zayn turned his head to look at him fear in his eyes. Zayn looked at the boy clearly. The boy was absolutely gorgeous. Zayn wished he was as skinny as this boy sitting next to him. Maybe his dad wouldn’t call him a fat cow if he looked like this boy.  
Harry waved his hand in front of zayn’s face making zayn automatically flinch backwards.  
“You spaced out. I’m Harry and you are?” Harry asked with complete sincerity in his voice that zayn never knew was possible.  
“I’m zayn.” Zayn replied before turning back to the front of the glass.  
“It’s nice to meet you.” Harry said meaning every word he said. But in zayn’s head those words were just lies and pity. Zayn was glad that the bell rang so he didn’t have to reply to harry. He just watched the teacher stiffly.  
Zayn wishes he wasn’t like this and would be able to have more friends.  
But zayn knows you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~~~~~  
Zayn always went to the little coffee shop across the town to escape. Just so he can sit there, drink coffee and work on his art.  
So he sat there thinking about what he could draw. His pencil set in his hand as he stared blankly at the paper in front of him. His mind was so scattered with everything he couldn’t focus on anything.  
He couldn’t get those two boys out of his mind. Liam and Harry, they approached him without any hesitance and that scares zayn. Do they not care about getting bullied? Do they want to be scared for the rest of their lives? What if zayn’s dad found out about this? Zayn knew it would end badly that’s why he kept josh his little secret. Zayn sighed slamming his pencil on the table.  
“What did that pencil ever do to you?” A voice asked. Zayn looked up to see a boy with brown hair in a fringe and piercing blue grey eyes. Zayn could tell by his looks that he was a simply happy person.  
“It pissed me off.” Zayn replied.  
“Why’s that?” The boy asked sitting in the chair across from zayn.  
“Because it won’t tell me what to draw.” Zayn whined his bottom lip in a pout.  
“Well do you draw people?” The boy asked.  
“Well yeah.” Zayn shrugged. He didn’t understand why he felt comfortable talking to this stranger.  
“Can you draw me? My best friend needs a birthday present and it could be a fake gift and then BAM important gift that will make him cry.” The boy rambled.  
“Well okay. I mean I’m not sure if I can get those perfect cheekbones right but I shall try.” Zayn said.  
“Should I pose or just sit still?” The boy asked.  
“Just stay still.” Zayn replied.  
They sat there for almost an hour talking away. Well the stranger did most of the talking. Zayn just listened to this boy go on and on about his best friend whose name was Harry. 

Zayn finally finished before he asked the boy.  
“What’s your name? I want to put it on the paper.” Zayn said.  
“Names’ Louis Tomlinson.” The boy said with a gigantic smile.  
“Well Louis it was a pleasure drawing someone that has perfect bone structure.” Zayn said meaning every word. Louis was very entertaining he almost made zayn smile. Almost.  
When Louis left zayn couldn’t help but want louis’ personality. The way he was full of energy and happiness.  
Zayn’s always wanted happiness.  
But zayn knows that you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~~~  
Zayn sat in the booth with josh waiting for their food. Zayn knew he was going to get rid of the food as soon as he digested it but josh didn’t. In josh’s point of view zayn was completely fine.  
While josh ate slowly zayn ate fast as he didn’t even order much at all. He excused himself from the table.  
When he got to the bathroom he rushed right into a stall automatically putting his fingers down his throat. All of the food that he digested went down with all the feelings and all of the threats and insults. A knock on the door made him stop in his tracks.  
“Are you okay in there?” An Irish voice asked. Zayn cleared his throat before he replied.  
“Yeah just ate something bad.” Zayn replied his voice scratchy.  
He waited a few minutes before getting out of the stall to go wash his hands. Someone put a piece of gum in front of his face. He looked over to the owner of the hand.  
Zayn automatically felt intimidated. The boy that stood in front of him was just mesmerizingly beautiful zayn’s breath got caught in his throat.  
Zayn looked down at the hand and took the piece of gum.  
“Thank you.” Zayn whispered.  
“No problem.” The boy said turning to walk away. Zayn put the gum in his mouth. He turned to fry his hands when two arms hugged him from behind. He screeched like a little girl.  
“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not beautiful because they’re wrong. They’re always wrong they’re just jealous.” The irish voice whispered in his ear before he could even have the strength to turn around the boy was gone. 

Zayn wanted the boy to say that again. 

But zayn knows that you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Zayn was on his bedroom floor blood covering his arms. The things the beautiful whispered in his ear completely forgotten.  
All that was going through his head was what those jerks saying to him and what his own father said to him. 

You should be more like your sisters  
Stupid faggot why are you still here? 

Zayn just wanted to disappear. Sometimes he thinks about making the cut deeper to see if he would actually make it. He’s trying to be perfect. He just wants someone to like him for him and not for the person he’s trying to be.  
Zayn knows that nobody will ever care. He’s done hoping someone will.  
Zayn knows you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~~~~~~  
He didn’t understand what was going on when he sat at lunch at school on Monday.  
He was sat quietly reading a book too engrossed in the book to notice that someone sat across from him.  
“HEY!” Louis nearly shouted almost giving zayn a heart attack.  
“Um hi.” Zayn breathed out.  
“So I showed my best friend the drawing of me and he hung it up above his bed.” Louis exclaimed excitedly.  
“That’s great.” Zayn said plainly looking around making sure no one was looking at them. He really did not want Louis to get judged because of him.  
“I know! Oh here he comes! HARRY!” Louis shouted. Harry walked over to the table and sat next to Louis smiling widely. Zayn noticed this was the same boy that sat next to him in class.  
“Zayn right? I don’t know if you remember me but I’m harry.” Harry said unsurely.  
“I remember.” Zayn mumbled getting back to his book. Zayn ignored the conversation between Louis and Harry. He wishes they would disappear right now. They don’t know that they are committing social suicide.  
“Hey guys!” Zayn’s head went up to see liam standing on his left before sitting down next to him.  
“Hi zayn.” Liam said putting a hand on zayn’s shoulder.  
“Hi.” Zayn replied simply. He didn’t understand why they were talking to him or sitting with him. He just simply did not understand.  
“Niall is on his way he just bought all of the food in the cafeteria.” Liam said with a little laugh. The other boys laughed while zayn just stared not getting what’s funny at all. He tried to read his book again but before he could read more than two words someone slammed something on the table on his right causing him to jump. 

“The lunch lady gave me dirty looks. She said that I eat too much and I told her there was no such thing. That I am a teenage boy that needs his food, she officially hates me now.” Niall rambled as he sat down. He turned towards zayn and smiled brightly.  
“Zayn right? I’m niall i think we’re going to be great friends.” Niall said reaching his hand out for zayn to shake. Zayn just stared at him frozen eyes wide and full of fear. 

Zayn wishes that they would disappear.  
But zayn knows you can’t always get what you want. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Zayn doesn’t know how it happened but every day for the past two months the four boys have been sitting with him at lunch. The boys that have been bullying him just stopped. The four boys have been showing up at his house uninvited causing zayn to have more bruises by his father. He ended up leaving the house more often because of the four boys dragging him out making his dad draw more blood. 

Zayn also doesn’t know how he ended up crushing on the cute little irish man. He thinks maybe because of the food he makes zayn eat. Maybe it was the way he always has a hand on him or how the boy can flirt like crazy and make zayn blush in less than three minutes. 

Zayn doesn’t want to like niall. He hates thinking that maybe he likes someone. He hates almost caring for someone. He knew that he would never be good enough for niall. He knew he wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough. He knew he was too shy for him. But what he definitely knew was that he was too broken for the blonde boy. 

Zayn knew he couldn’t be fixed and he was okay with that. He knew that he would be living with his dad forever until his dad actually killed him. Zayn couldn’t wait for that day so he could be free of the pain and suffer. He was ready to go now. So what was stopping him?  
Nothing was stopping him.  
He had it all figured out he had the pills and he had his razor and he had his pain.  
Zayn was ready to go.  
But zayn know that you can’t always get what you want. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Zayn had it all planned out for today. After school he would do it. He felt like he owed one the four lads and josh a goodbye without them knowing he was saying it. He waited until lunch to actually show up at school. He wanted to say goodbye quick. He had too he thought it was the least he could do for all that they’ve done for him. He walked into the cafeteria and walked to the table where the four boys sat and walked up to them quickly.  
“Zayn where were you? You weren’t in class.” Harry said smiling widely as zayn sat down in his original spot in between niall and liam. 

“I’ve been thinking.” Zayn mumbled quietly. 

“About what?” Liam asked. 

“I just I wanted to thank you guys so much for sitting with me shit for even talking to me. I know you guys didn’t have too but you did and I will always be grateful for that. You have no idea what that means to me. You have no idea how you boys means to me. I have to go but I’ll see you guys soon.” Zayn said his voice full of happiness for once instead of pain. He got up and walked out the doors and went to meet josh. 

He and josh sat at the park just swinging on the swings. Neither of them talked. Josh was used to this. He knew how quiet and shy zayn was and he was completely okay with it.  
“Look I asked you to come here so I can say something.”  
“What is it mate?” Josh asked.  
“I just wanted to thank you.” Zayn said with a little smile on his face. The first smile he’s had on his face for a while now.  
“For what?” Josh asked curiosity filling his voice.  
“For being my best friend and not giving up on me. You knew my dad didn’t like you but you never ran away like all of my other friends did. You stayed with me and I owe you so much for that. You were always there when I needed to cry or when I needed to laugh. Just thank you so much and I just really love you but I’ve got to get home before my dad does so I can clean my room. So I’ll see you later yeah?” Zayn got off the swing and walked towards his home to where his plan was set.  
“Hey zayn I love you too!” Josh yelled. Zayn smiled a huge smile before turning around.  
“I sure hope so.” Zayn said before rushing home. 

He sat on his bed twenty minutes later blood dripping from his wrists and his head and body weak. The pill bottle empty on the floor. He felt so weak and he could tell it was working he was almost unconscious. His head numb except the words and abuse he got his whole life. But the one thing that really stayed in his head was Niall. He knew he fell hard for him but he was doing niall a favor right now. Zayn knew niall wouldn’t want him anyways. 

Zayn could see black and he knew he was leaving.  
But zayn knows you can’t always get what you want. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
He could hear beeping and hushed voices. He wished all of the sounds would go away so he can finally rest. But that obviously wasn’t going to happen. He opened his eyes only to squint them shut again the bright lights blinding.  
“What the fuck? Has anyone ever heard of curtains?” He asked outloud. He heard a few gasps.  
“Zayn?” The sweet voice of josh said.  
“Josh? What’s going on? I thought I was de-“  
“You made it through.” Josh said. That’s when zayn opened his eyes again.  
“But I didn’t want too.” He said his voice harsh.  
“I know and I have no idea why zayn if something was wrong why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Because I wasn’t allowed to my dad said if told anyone that he would get rid of anyone I told.” Zayn said.  
“I don’t care. But zayn you’re moving in with me your dad is already in jail. We’re going to get you through this zayn.” Josh said grabbing zayn’s hand and kissing it.  
“But I don’t want too.” Zayn said his eyes tearing up.  
“Zayn I know you’ve been through a lot but let us get you through this.” Josh whispered.  
“Us?” Zayn asked.  
“Us.” He heard the Smooth Irish voice. Zayn looked over to the right side of the room. He saw Louis holding a crying harry, Liam sitting in a chair emotionless and a broken looking niall horan. 

Zayn didn’t want any help.  
But Zayn know that you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
He was laying in josh’s bed with niall next to him. Harry hasn’t left him since he left the hospital. Zayn wasn’t complaining about it because niall was great company. He wouldn’t judge him he would talk about anything but his incident. He talked about sports and music and he would tell zayn how beautiful he was and he would kiss zayn’s scars and zayn would actually feel okay. He feels saline and peaceful.  
When liam is in his room with him he’ll talk to zayn about how he can get through it and how strong he is and that he should get help and they will help him through it. Zayn loves how liam is sweet and all but he wants liam to know he doesn’t need help. 

When Louis there he just cracks jokes and laughs. He tries to cheer zayn up. He’s actually helping but zayn won’t let Louis know that because Louis will be all smug about it. He just wants to show Louis that he can win. He’s been sad his whole life so a few jokes won’t make him laugh. 

Josh acts normal and zayn enjoys that. He’s glad he’s not trying to make him feel better or bad for doing what he did. This is why he loves josh. He definitely picked the greatest best friend in the world. 

Harry won’t come to zayn. No one knows why besides Louis and he won’t even spill even though he barely keep a secret he seems to keep this one to the heart. 

Zayn wishes he didn’t love these people so much.  
But zayn know you can’t always get what you want. 

~~~~~~~~~  
They all sat in the coffee shop that zayn met Louis in. Harry was still acting weird around zayn but zayn was sure he knew why after a few guesses. Harry was freaked outand just scared of zayn. Niall was still by zayn’s side and zayn was pretty sure it was because he pitied him and zayn didn’t want that. 

“So guess who got us concert tickets for Ed Sheeran?” Louis asked pulling out six tickets. Niall made a little squeal running over to louis’ side of the table and planting kisses all over his cheeks.  
“I love you so much.” Niall exclaimed.  
Zayn felt a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. It couldn’t be jealously. Zayn was trying to get over niall not like him even more.  
“Get off of me!” Louis growled pushing niall off him making niall stumble into liam’s lap.  
“Hiya there liam.” Niall said giggling before getting up walking to his seat next to zayn.  
“I don’t really want to go.” Zayn said.  
“But zayn you love Ed.” Josh said accusingly.  
“I know but I just don’t want to be a buzz kill and make you guys miserable.” Zayn said with his head down.  
“Well here’s a good idea. Maybe you could actually try to have a good time?” Louis suggested. Harry elbowed Louis in the ribcage.  
“No I just want some time alone if that’s okay. Why don’t you bring another friend?” Zayn said.  
“Well if you’re sure.” Liam said.  
“I am positive.” Zayn said positively.  
“Okay.” Liam said. 

Zayn hopes that they can trust him to be by himself.  
But zayn knows you can’t always get what you want.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Zayn sighed as all the boys left. He’s been waiting for a day he could be alone and just think. He hasn’t been able to think straightly because everyone’s always with him. He was so glad to be alone. He fell back on the bed with a sigh and just stared at the ceiling.  
“Wow did I really give up ed sheeran to stare at a ceiling?” Zayn asked allowed like he was going to get an answer.  
“Yeah you’re stupid as fuck.” He heard the Irish voice say. He looked over at the doorway to see niall standing smiling.  
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the concert?” Zayn asked.  
“Yeah but I know that I would’ve spent the whole concert thinking about you so I thought what was the point why not just stay here with the real deal?” He explained.  
“Why would you be thinking about me?” Zayn asked incredulously.  
“Are you kidding me?” Niall asked him.  
“What?” Zayn asked confused.  
“Are you serious? You think that I stayed with you after the hospital because I pitied you don’t you? No I stayed with you because even after a few months I was so fucking scared to lose you. So I promised myself to make you feel beautiful and loved more because obviously before that you didn’t catch the hint. Since I caught you in that bathroom I called you beautiful. Do you know that I asked liam to grab you after I saw those bullies pushing you against the locker? Do you know that I asked harry to talk to you and see if he can find anything out about you. Do you know that I made Louis threaten those bullies? Do you know that when I heard you in that bathroom that it broke my heart? DO YOU FIND IT SO HARD TO THINK THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY CARES?” Niall screamed. 

“YES BECAUSE THAT’S ALL I KNOW. ALL I’VE HEARD IS YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT! YOU’RE WORTHLESS. YOU’RE UGLY, YOU’RE FAT. FAGGOT. WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS? IT’S HARD TO THINK SOMEONE CARES ABOUT ME BECAUSE NO ONE EVER HAS. I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE CARED ABOUT SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST GIVE UP?” Zayn yelled back. 

“I’M TRYING TO PROVE THAT ALL THOSE FUCKING ARSEHOLES WRONG! YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING. YOU’RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I’VE EVER SEEN! YOU AREN’T DEAD BECAUSE YOU’RE STRONG ZAYN MALIK YOU’RE FUCKING STRONG! I DON’T KNOW HOW HARD IT US BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO LET ME IN AND LET ME LOVE YOU LIKE I WANT TOO SO BAD!” Niall yelled with so much fury. 

“Wait you love me?” Zayn whispered. 

“You have no fucking idea how much I love you.” Niall whispered leaning over zayn on the bed. Niall fell on top of him. 

“I don’t know what to say I just I’ve never heard anyone say that before except josh.” Zayn said feeling the hot tears in his eyes. 

“No zayn I don’t want to be your best friend. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to hold your hand with no shame. I want to kiss you. I want to make love you and just show you how beautiful you really are.” Niall said.  
“Niall I’m scared.” Zayn whispered even quieter.  
“Of what?” Niall asked.  
“I’m scared to be in love.” Zayn said.  
“I’ll help you through it if that’s what you want.”  
“I’ve wanted you since we met in that bathroom.” Zayn said.  
“You’ve had me since the day I laid eyes on you. I will help you through this.”  
“I really want this niall but what if I’m not good enough?” Zayn asked letting a tear come out of his eye. 

“You’re good enough for me and that’s all that counts.” Niall whispered before towering over zayn so he was straddling him and leaned in delicately and let zayn get use to it before he moved slowly zayn following his lead all the passion and love from the past couple of months was in this kiss. Niall pulled away slowly putting his forehead against zayn’s. 

“Trust me you’re good enough.” 

Zayn didn’t want to fall for him.  
But zayn know you can’t always get what you want.


End file.
